‘We need to adapt to grow’: how to grow stronger, happier, healthier with lockdown

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My Customer Days recently told me, “I just want my life back.” I want to go back Simple“She was feeling the feelings of many of us, but there was one truth in that statement that most of us know:” not going back to normal “.

In the last 12 months, the heavy incidents of Kovid-19 have turned our lives upside down. For some, it has been a painful death of an important person; For others, the devastating loss of their jobs; And for everyone, the loss of their normal routine, life events and ways of being. Everyone has their own unique response to the change, which will be as true in the opening of the sanctions as it was in the lockdown. Some may feel that it would take as much psychological energy to step into the world as it did to retreat.

For many, Kovid-19 will be the defining experience of their lives to date, and it has essentially changed all of us. We want to resist that change and the fear he is afraid of. But, annoying as it is, it is through discomfort that we face our new reality. In fact, the things we do to block that discomfort are the things that harm us in the end. The hard truth is this: we need to adapt to grow.

Research in the area of ​​development of life is strong: people who try to remain rigid are more likely to suffer. On the other hand, research shows that a possible result from astonishing loss, is what we call post-trumatic growth. This is not a shallow switch, just something that transforms the bad into the good. Rather, when we allow ourselves to recognize and grieve the pain of an event that we have lived through experiencing, and expressing, the loss, we can also find that in the process of adjustment, we Grow from it. It often means that we are more resilient than we expect, in what matters our attitude has changed, and we now take on new strength from our meaning life. As a demented psychiatrist, I am examining my own experience, and from my clients, to identify ways we can learn about it.

As I look back, I know how the last one year has changed in me, its full implications are still there. In extreme moments of crisis I recognized my longing for safety, and my reluctance to give up familiar old habits. It clearly played out in negligible – I need to plan consistently. I was forced to face the unwanted process of losing every time, believing optimism was the best attitude, the dog made a plan – to Meet my newborn grandson, Or to travel to Scotland – only to feel the stamp of despair when I had to cancel. Next came a mini physical storm of crisis through my mind and body, finally releasing me into my new reality, which I had to accept. I had to learn to live with uncertainty. I no longer had control.

This cycle can start and end in a few hours; On one level it was not a big deal. But my adaptation of my core belief that I cannot control what happens, I can only control my reaction when external events hit me, is a deep one. I can now free myself from the false belief that I am “in charge” and allow myself to enjoy the freedom to live in the moment. I hope it sticks.

One of the big shifts heard from customers, friends and colleagues is how their relationships have changed over time. Pre-pandemic, preoccupation was one of the more hallmark hallmarks of value, and certainly drove people to burn out. For many of us, living and working from home has brought prosperity to time instead of the poverty of time. For parents though, months of home schooling threw for a loop, especially for mothers.

But not making uproar, or traveling to meetings, or even being social, means people have found that they have free time. My client Max told me he had an epiphany: “I won’t live my life at that pace again. I’m crazy. I traveled non-stop, running at 100mph, and by the time I got home over the weekend By then I was completely exhausted. “Work got the best of him, and the house” dregs “. The prosperity of having more time has given people the opportunity to discover versions of themselves that were hidden.

For some, it has been surprisingly rich. His creativity has grown, and he has more time for sports and fitness. In order for people to continue to make room for those versions of themselves, they will need to be committed to the decision to do so. It will be most effective if you have a clear vision of who you want to be and how you can feel it, and if you did so you can show your newfound confidence. (See the box below to follow a framework.)

For me, the most valuable aspect of having more time is that it allows all of us to prioritize our relationships. This includes our family, our partners and our friends. The absence of being with people has been one of the most chilling, difficult parts of the lockdown.

Meaningful, connected relationships mean that we live longer; Are healthy, wealthy, happy; And as we get older, the pain also lessens. Love is strong medicine. But time is needed for love. It cannot survive on a thin diet of slanted talk and transaction decisions. We need time to move forward towards each other to join together and live together. It takes time to sort out and resolve a misunderstanding and a quarrel, repair time after a fight, which is the foundation of trustworthy relationships. Shall we embed an understanding of how important a connection is, post-lockdown? It is hard to resist falling into the old pattern, but my guess is that the painful mark of absence of connection will create courage in the desire to live differently.

One of the major aspects of post-traumatic growth is that it changes our perception of what matters, and enhances our gratitude for the little things and for simply surviving. There is nothing like a health epidemic to raise awareness about our mortality and the mortality of those people. There have been more conversations about the deaths and deaths of people than in the last full year, and it is paradoxical that this means that we give more importance to life. It has fundamentally changed our and our vision of the future. Many of our concerns about performance and achievement have been reduced to the recognition that meaning is a more important goal in life.

At the other end of the spectrum, it has rejuvenated our enjoyment in small things. Who would have thought that hugging a friend and sitting down to eat with them in a cafe would be the greatest gift? We should try and never do this to move forward.

The unlocking process is likely to be difficult for some. I have clients who are afraid they won’t know how to socialize any more; They have fogoFear of going out. One of my most successful clients, who flew regularly, was shocked to feel a jolt of fear when his colleague said that he needed to meet her in Germany. The prospect of traffic and the busyness of office life is intimidating to many. The key to managing it is to support yourself, not fight it. Turn to yourself with compassion and name your fears. allow them. Take a breath. Write them down Go slowly, do not push yourself; Go to the edge of your comfort zone in small steps. Give yourself credit for going there, and when it seems easy, push yourself to try something else. it will take time.

We have not chosen this experience, and yet we should not miss the opportunity to know what it has given us. If we have the courage to face our insights with self-compassion, to know ourselves instead of distracting ourselves, then change will bring development.
Names have been changed

A guided reflection on change

Get a notebook and write down your answers, or talk to someone you trust and take it to find out these questions.

what changed?
In your relationship? Your relationship with friends and family? Your relationship with work and with health – and any other important aspect of your life?

With those changes
Which people would you like to keep? How can you support yourself to embed them? This will include what you say to yourself, as well as your habits and decisions.

Which things are likely to be found on the way?

Remember, small steps can have big consequences
After being transformed and transformed into a version of yourself and your life, picture yourself in a year’s time. How would you like it? What would you believe about yourself? Keep a list; Create a mood board or Pinterest board of pictures that will inspire you in weeks and months. Add to this and change it, as you adapt and change.

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